I’m okay, really.

It’s okay to not be okay!

How many of us needed to hear that today? That it’s okay to NOT be okay. I am guessing more than would like to admit to it. I wanted to take some time to talk about something that has been personal to me. I’ve touched on talking about depression, anxiety, etc in other posts but not like I am going to today.

I’ve always had some level of anxiety, and honestly, never found a way to process that anxiety or even admit to the fact that it was there. I buried it. I hid it.

I didn’t realize I even had it for the longest time, until social engagements, dirty houses, long lists, etc would cause me to go into a tail spin. I’d get frazzled, angry and even more anxious at the anxiety. It was this vicious cycle that I couldn’t get control of within me.

As a mom and wife full time, I feel the weight of my mental and emotional health so much. It has a trickle down effect on everyone around me!

But, I don’t really want to stay focused on the symptoms of depression or anxiety, as much as I want to talk about the emotions to hide them. I feel like the pressure to be OKAY is astronomical. It’s almost overwhelming. The need to be okay at your workplace, home, family, etc, is also a burden. Usually, I found that I would FEEL worse about walking around being “okay” rather than just being real. I would go home and tell my husband “well, if people knew I lost my crap today because I was feeling overwhelmed, they wouldn’t want to be my friend.”

Sad thing is, I started to believe that, and it started to become my identity. I could be real about everything else, but I needed to be real with myself about the anxiousness I was feeling.

My identity was in hiding things about me, instead of who I really am. You see, I couldn’t find freedom from those symptoms until I admitted to them. I started opening up about being anxious, angry, and panicky when things didn’t go according to my plan or even when they did. I started reading my Bible specifically about what I was feeling, and praying before my feet hit the ground. I started laying down my day to Him, and let me tell you, my days started getting lighter! It’s not a magic genie solution. But it’s a start in finding my way out of anxiety, into a world of peace and trust of my creator!

Why am I telling you all this, well, for one simple reason. Don’t hide behind anxiety and depression, put yourself right in front of it, by allowing yourself to be real with it. It doesn’t need to define you as a secret and it surely won’t define you out in the open! It manifests itself in more ways than one, and most people, are facing something today. He has more for you than to hide in shame of these symptoms, it doesn’t have to be where you camp for the rest of life. You can have peace. You can have joy. You can have more! I’ve been focusing my heart on the His heart, and how He feels towards His people. He’s there for the broken more than anyone else. He’s capable of bringing peace into chaos. He’s able to calm the storm in our lives. He understands us more than we give Him credit, and He’s able to do exceedingly more than we can think or imagine. But, first, we need to start being real, so the very real Heavenly Father can save us from ourselves.

If you need someone to encourage you, support you, pray for you, talk you off the ledge, stand with you, listen to you, I would love to be there for you! Please, don’t hesitate to reach out and be real, you’ll be refreshed in how you feel. And just remember, sometimes it’s okay to not be okay, and to be honest in that!

Until next time,

Becca xo

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